[He's lucky that the actions being performed speak louder than his words. Yua can't help but sigh quietly as she thinks on his words; not the ones meant to be insulting mind you but the first ones. The ones that imply that she should know it. Was it...part of her previous life?]
Not at all. But I have to wonder...did I know it then?
[But why that particular song? And how? Yua was good at playing music but not singing so why...?]
[ At first he held the answer back and allowed for silence to settle in between them for a moment, then two. His mind drifted a fleeting second- a flash of a memory resurfacing to accompany the song Yua had been humming before. Again he resisted the urge to smile. Instead, Hades shifted his hand from the spot at her hip to nestle in her hair, fingers entwining in the soft strands. ]
You did. That was how I knew whenever you were in a particularly pleasant mood-- you would hum that melody each and every time something went well for you.
[So it brought upon a happy memory for him? It would be nice for Yua to remember it but it's strange how these memories like to reel her in; to give her a sneak peek and only have it end when the answer is so close. Just who was she long ago? Why was it that she only seemed to gain these past visions around Hades? If he was spared and she had died long ago, what happened?
And now...what next? She and the Scions are undoing all of his work and he seems to be fine with it? She feels like there's something she cannot connect, just like these memories. Will she change if she remembers them all? Would she lose herself? Yua can't tell but her thoughts calm down when she feels his fingers through her hair.]
Wish I can remember the words...or how I came across it.
[ Anything more would give too much away too quickly.
She had to retain her memories at her own pace and he could not rush this, no matter how much he wished to. With her soul still only partially whole too many memories could easily overwhelm the viera and harm her, or worse-- he frowned at the thought and immediately set it aside. It would do him no good to dwell on the what ifs.
Continuing to play with fiddle with her hair Hades finally opened his eyes, gaze fixated on the ceiling. ]
I am certain you will. You've come this far already after all. Now it's simply a matter of time.
[What could happen if she tried to force them? That her past self would override who she is? Would she be alright mentally? She usually calls herself a functioning mess but would this make her unable to?]
It just surprised me. I've never been good at singing before and just accepted it and now this? What else am I not aware of?
[And what else is lurking underneath the surface? Was she...a horrible person before? Maybe it's some kind of karma that made her go through a lot of the crap she went through. The thought makes make her feel tense, unable to help it.]
[ There was no mistaking the tension he sensed from her. This simply would not do.
With a faint sigh he coaxed Yua to move--] Up. [--helping to shift her body until she was straddling his waist, all while he easing himself to sit up right. Then, framing her face in his hands as his thumbs were now stroking the tops of her cheeks in a soothing gesture. ]
My dear, you are so much more than those you choose to surround yourself with. Should they forsake you or turn you away for who you truly are then know that you still have your place by my side.
[ Then, leaning forward, Hades brushed his lips against her own, a soft, chaste kiss. It was a fleeting touch not unlike the butterflies he could recall that she could create in their time past to distract him from his work. There was so much of her here that it made his heart ache knowing that there was still so much left for her to remember, relearn. ]
You needn't fret like this. You have nothing to fear from regaining your memories.
[She's about to protest when he moves her but the words die in her throat as to why he thought it was a good idea. For his words were not just empty promises or clinging onto small shreds of hope. If he had found her before arriving on the First, she would forsake her allies to stay with someone who cares for her. What exactly did that say about how Yua felt during her time on the Source?
But then this journey began and Yua had seen how the group had changed somewhat.
She would have jumped immediately at the chance. But now? To be torn between duty and love...the kiss soothes her some but the idea of gaining something and to lose something in exchange, that still worries her. Just...who was she? Warrior of Light? Hope? This ancient being of long ago? Wild Card? Just who is she?]
This functional broken mess? I honestly have no idea who I am right now. But what I do know is that I feel easier around you. Despite everything, I can talk to you and get a straight answer.
[He won't tell her about unknown memories but there's a good reason why. So why does she feel like others are hiding a secret from her?]
Yet the words were stuck in his throat as he continued to hold her face so carefully. Those memories pulled at his heart. A part of him wanted nothing more than to help her to remember. If being in his company, his embrace would be the trigger then he had half a mind to spend another night bringing her to completion over and over again. To see her soul flare up in recognizable hues as she cried out his name. But he could see how weary she was as he kissed her forehead now. There would be other nights -and days, even.
In place of this, he merely allowed for a half smile to tug at his lips. ]
I did say I would never lie to you. Though I find myself flattered that would favor my company over those of your comrades.
[ A hand moved now from her cheek to run fingers through her hair once more, though not without one more caress of his thumb across her cheek. ]
[She said she could speak round him without worry and telling him her feelings...now it is time to put her money where her mouth is. To express herself in how she had been feeling for some time about her comrades, her state of things, the Exarch...but also she hasn't forgotten that they are also enemies. That this can be used against her somehow but it's a small portion. Yua just appreciates just being loved for once.
'But does he love you or who you were?'
Why would she think that now?]
Sometimes I feel...like I'm not really a part of them. That for some, I am no more than something to be pointed at and to get rid of the thing like a weapon. It's been like this for some time, years even, but it's only starting to be a little better. But I can't help but wonder if they see me or the Warrior of Light.
[ All Hades could do was listen. After all, he had promised her he would. With an expression that carefully hid what he was thinking his hands began to move slowly, carefully, down to her shoulders, pausing there for the moment. As if to hold her steady as these words poured out into the air. ] ... What would you do, then, were they to see as a pawn instead of the woman that you are?
[What would she do indeed. Her eyes widen because what if...there's no way Alisaie and Alphinaud saw her as such and Ryne showed an amount of care for her, even going after her when Yua had stormed out of the Ocular. They wouldn't treat her as such after learning from such mistakes like Alphinaud did with the Crystal Braves and his treatment of her before Ishgard. Alisaie's had to learn to find her own way after Louisoix's disappearance and death. And Ryne's seeing that she isn't just a shadow of the Oracle, of Minfilia.
But what about the adults? She hates to say it but the only one who is slowly coming around and showing some sort of care has been Y'shtola of all people. The same woman who Yua had argued with, called her heartless and a liar since she's hidden her condition from everyone else. And yet...she was the one who called Urianger out on hiding on what was going on with her. She and Ryne were the ones who showed concern about how her aether is like and weren't going to maul the ascian because he is actually helping her somehow.
But Urianger? Thancred? The Exarch? What about them? She's tried to speak to the Exarch before but got turned away every time. It makes her unsure.]
I...don't know. There's no one else who can do what I can. And if they do feel like I am only a weapon, then wouldn't I be trapped? That no one can bring salvation except me? Why am I the one to do it constantly? If not this universe but on Earth as well? Why always call me Hope when it feels like the fates like to rest everything on the shoulders of one?
[ Her expression was much too simple for him to read. Just as always she wore her heart on her sleeve. Hades could only imagine the thoughts running through her head at his words-- evaluating her relationships with each and everyone of those lesser beings, all while he held her closer. ]
You do not owe them anything, dear. It is out of the kindness of your heart that you continue to abide by their requests and even adhere to their demands.
[ When he leaned forward, it was to press another kiss upon her, this one to her jawline. Yes, that was a sensitive spot for her, but he was not going back on his promise. He was listening. Offering words for her to consider. And also gestures of succor and comfort to ease the troubled woman. His lips brushed against her skin with every word he breathed. ]
Yet it is that same kindness that will be turned against you should you continue to entertain their expectations. They grow dependent. But you are not solely responsible for them. For this Star. For anyone. The only one you are responsible for is yourself. Anything more... and you will burn out. Like a candle.
[She shudders at the contact, closing her eyes at the gentleness of his touches. Kami, how long has it been since someone told her that she needs to take care of herself? It's always been 'rest then solve this problem', a constant in her life even as a teenager.]
It did burn out, remember? Over and over until they deemed it to be enough and left what is before you.
[Telling him about Moebius and the many times that she did die, that her light was constantly snuffed again and again. That her time in Liminal Space where that flame almost died for good with how many times she was kicked into the dirt, left behind, or almost lost herself. Where only one person had the stones to say "Hey, don't go Empty on me." She's had the Scions tell her to rest but how often does she hear 'Are you feeling ok?' How can she explain a thing like Liminal to them? How can she explain the concept of Personas to them?]
So why does Hydaelyn deem it that it should only be one to seal the deal? Despite the matters of never doing this alone, it feels like the opposite. Not to mention that there's something I've kept quiet about for years...that they may wonder if it is possible for me to reach it again.
[And a secret to him too. But how many could she talk to about this power of her very soul?]
[ His small, light kisses continue for a few beats, before Hades pulled back some, though without relinquishing his embrace of her. His steady gaze was fixated on her as he listened. Memories of their conversation about this Moebius resurfaced and his fingers twitched upon remembering what she had suffered. ]
Ah, yes. What we had discussed the other night.
[ He would find out more about this being one way or another. Preference being that Yua would tell him, eventually, and hopefully sooner rather than later. But instead of acting upon this flare of an emotion, he only shook his head. ]
Because the Mother is cruel to her daughter. She is selfish and blind to your suffering, thinking it is most convenient for her to force all of this responsibility on your soul.
[ Tilting his head a fraction to the side, he searched her expression, her words a curious thing. Though he did not voice his curiosity, it was very plain on his face, expecting her to go on. ]
...just like most. What does the suffering of one matter as long as the job gets done? One life for one world they say.
[She's starting to feel that despair again, her aether retreating into herself as she feels his fingers twitch. Whether it is from her or the memory of Moebius, she can't help but wonder if there's something she's said wrong. Or maybe...just maybe...Hades shakes because of concern. Of care. When was the last time she had someone hold her and tell her that everything will be okay? She can't help but cast her eyes downwards, almost in shame.]
If I tell them what I've been hiding...they'll see me as a weapon. Force me to find a way to call it out and use it and...I can't.
[ Before her aether can retreat entirely his own reaches out to curl around her. To hold her as he was now, physically. What were small twitches of frustration soon turned into light touches to soothe the troubled soul. Another kiss, to her brow this time, as he refuses to relinquish either form of contact with her. ]
They cannot force you. Should they try, refuse them.
[ Nudging her nose with his now, his lips ghost over her own. ]
And if they persist-- you will tell me. And I will take care of everything.
[Comfort. That's how she can describe it. Yua can wrap herself around it and not want to leave for the longest time, to let herself have time to rest and maybe get lost in a good dream. But what stops her? She absolutely hates Lakshimi on principle but also because it meant running away from all her problems and she's always been told and learned to keep moving forward.
But was learning about who she was running away from her issues?]
If they try that...I do not think Izanagi will be very pleased.
[Mainly because she will be pissed and as a part of her, so will her personas.]
And while I will tell you, I do not want you to harm them. I know what you mean by 'taking care' and no.
[ His own expression lacking in revealing his own thoughts, he could tell that she would remain firm in this. No matter how much he disagreed with her protective behavior of the ones that were not worthy of her addressing as 'friends'. Eventually, though, he conceded with an exasperated sigh that was accompanied by him shaking his head. ]
I was merely offering to make matters simpler for you, but very well. I shall refrain.
[ For now.
Shifting his attention, he brushed a loose tuft of hair from her cheek. His tone took on a note of genuine curiosity when he spoke up once more. ]
[She's tempted to mention that simpler means killing and no, there will be no killing of those people because they're needed and Yua actually likes the kids. Y'shtola is growing on her a bit too. But there sounds to be curiosity on his end when she mentions her main Persona. Would he be able to understand it? Would he think less of her?
Taking a breath, she sets a hand over her heart. Might as well.]
Have you...ever heard of those who can use their souls as means to fight? A mask to use against those who would want to cause harm? There's a name for it back on Earth...Persona.
[Mind and soul but man does anyone want to hear about Jung's theories?]
It's not very common among people but there are select few who are able to do this. Not born with it but awakened.
[ Neither the word 'Persona' nor her description of wielding one's soul as a weapon were familiar to him. A concept unheard of, yet he could not help his curiosity being piqued by the notion. The barest tilt of his head to signal that his attention was held still, the white lock of his hair swayed slightly with the motion. ]
I cannot say this is something I have witnessed before.
[ His people. They're people were creators and thinkers. Not warriors or fighters. ]
So in this matter, this Izanagi... it is a manifestation of your soul?
[ With her soul already fractured as is, he could not fathom what this could mean for her incomplete one. ]
[She nods as her hand flexes as if there was something that is supposed to happen but it doesn't show.]
...one of them. While people can be awakened to this power, my case stands out. When they awaken, they only have one. I on the other hand...well, I can call a bit over twenty.
[Said as she bites her lower lip. She doubts her past self could ever do that but Yua can. Izanagi is only the first persona she awakened to and then learning more about the Velvet Room...hoo boy.]
I can't call them here because I think some kind of higher cosmic power thought it might be too much for this universe to handle. I can feel them but can't call them out if it makes sense?
[ Noting how her hand flexes, he take gentle hold, fingers wrapping around her fingers, his thumb now caressing the inside of her palm. A small, gentle gesture of comfort. ]
Perhaps.
[ Her past self had certainly not mentioned being capable of any such thing. But she had been an extraordinary being in all her own ways still. Something that he saw in the flickering soul that was the woman before him. Lifting her hand he kept his gaze leveled with Yua's, his lips brushing over her knuckles. ]
Though you seem troubled by this, it may be in your favor. At least for the time being. Between the blessings of her- [ There is a sharp edge to his tone when he speaks of Hydaelyn without uttering her name. ] -and the light that surges through your body, it could very well be more than your soul can handle.
[The fact that she moves closer when he kisses her, means not only is she comfortable but wants to feel that comfort after feeling like she's been away from it for so long. (It's only been a day or two honestly) Leaning into him, her ears pin to her sides and nuzzles into Hades's neck.]
I just want to know what all this light is going to be used for. The Exarch refuses to tell me and it's getting harder to trust him.
[The little trust that she had for him anyway. An alliance of circumstance, no more than that. He may have pretty words and kind gestures and the respect of the Crystarium but to Yua, he reminds her of being back in Liminal Space. Why won't he tell her and just give the vague answer of all will be revealed in due time? Yua knows that it's a bullshit answer. Outside of the kids and Y'shtola...it feels like the one she can trust the most is the ascian holding her.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
vieraofinaba) wrote2019-11-26 01:23 pm
no subject
Not at all. But I have to wonder...did I know it then?
[But why that particular song? And how? Yua was good at playing music but not singing so why...?]
no subject
You did. That was how I knew whenever you were in a particularly pleasant mood-- you would hum that melody each and every time something went well for you.
no subject
And now...what next? She and the Scions are undoing all of his work and he seems to be fine with it? She feels like there's something she cannot connect, just like these memories. Will she change if she remembers them all? Would she lose herself? Yua can't tell but her thoughts calm down when she feels his fingers through her hair.]
Wish I can remember the words...or how I came across it.
no subject
She had to retain her memories at her own pace and he could not rush this, no matter how much he wished to. With her soul still only partially whole too many memories could easily overwhelm the viera and harm her, or worse-- he frowned at the thought and immediately set it aside. It would do him no good to dwell on the what ifs.
Continuing to play with fiddle with her hair Hades finally opened his eyes, gaze fixated on the ceiling. ]
I am certain you will. You've come this far already after all. Now it's simply a matter of time.
no subject
It just surprised me. I've never been good at singing before and just accepted it and now this? What else am I not aware of?
[And what else is lurking underneath the surface? Was she...a horrible person before? Maybe it's some kind of karma that made her go through a lot of the crap she went through. The thought makes make her feel tense, unable to help it.]
And what will happen if they find out?
no subject
With a faint sigh he coaxed Yua to move--] Up. [--helping to shift her body until she was straddling his waist, all while he easing himself to sit up right. Then, framing her face in his hands as his thumbs were now stroking the tops of her cheeks in a soothing gesture. ]
My dear, you are so much more than those you choose to surround yourself with. Should they forsake you or turn you away for who you truly are then know that you still have your place by my side.
[ Then, leaning forward, Hades brushed his lips against her own, a soft, chaste kiss. It was a fleeting touch not unlike the butterflies he could recall that she could create in their time past to distract him from his work. There was so much of her here that it made his heart ache knowing that there was still so much left for her to remember, relearn. ]
You needn't fret like this. You have nothing to fear from regaining your memories.
no subject
But then this journey began and Yua had seen how the group had changed somewhat.
She would have jumped immediately at the chance. But now? To be torn between duty and love...the kiss soothes her some but the idea of gaining something and to lose something in exchange, that still worries her. Just...who was she? Warrior of Light? Hope? This ancient being of long ago? Wild Card? Just who is she?]
This functional broken mess? I honestly have no idea who I am right now. But what I do know is that I feel easier around you. Despite everything, I can talk to you and get a straight answer.
[He won't tell her about unknown memories but there's a good reason why. So why does she feel like others are hiding a secret from her?]
no subject
Yet the words were stuck in his throat as he continued to hold her face so carefully. Those memories pulled at his heart. A part of him wanted nothing more than to help her to remember. If being in his company, his embrace would be the trigger then he had half a mind to spend another night bringing her to completion over and over again. To see her soul flare up in recognizable hues as she cried out his name. But he could see how weary she was as he kissed her forehead now. There would be other nights -and days, even.
In place of this, he merely allowed for a half smile to tug at his lips. ]
I did say I would never lie to you. Though I find myself flattered that would favor my company over those of your comrades.
[ A hand moved now from her cheek to run fingers through her hair once more, though not without one more caress of his thumb across her cheek. ]
Tell me, hero. Speak freely and I will listen.
no subject
'But does he love you or who you were?'
Why would she think that now?]
Sometimes I feel...like I'm not really a part of them. That for some, I am no more than something to be pointed at and to get rid of the thing like a weapon. It's been like this for some time, years even, but it's only starting to be a little better. But I can't help but wonder if they see me or the Warrior of Light.
no subject
no subject
But what about the adults? She hates to say it but the only one who is slowly coming around and showing some sort of care has been Y'shtola of all people. The same woman who Yua had argued with, called her heartless and a liar since she's hidden her condition from everyone else. And yet...she was the one who called Urianger out on hiding on what was going on with her. She and Ryne were the ones who showed concern about how her aether is like and weren't going to maul the ascian because he is actually helping her somehow.
But Urianger? Thancred? The Exarch? What about them? She's tried to speak to the Exarch before but got turned away every time. It makes her unsure.]
I...don't know. There's no one else who can do what I can. And if they do feel like I am only a weapon, then wouldn't I be trapped? That no one can bring salvation except me? Why am I the one to do it constantly? If not this universe but on Earth as well? Why always call me Hope when it feels like the fates like to rest everything on the shoulders of one?
no subject
You do not owe them anything, dear. It is out of the kindness of your heart that you continue to abide by their requests and even adhere to their demands.
[ When he leaned forward, it was to press another kiss upon her, this one to her jawline. Yes, that was a sensitive spot for her, but he was not going back on his promise. He was listening. Offering words for her to consider. And also gestures of succor and comfort to ease the troubled woman. His lips brushed against her skin with every word he breathed. ]
Yet it is that same kindness that will be turned against you should you continue to entertain their expectations. They grow dependent. But you are not solely responsible for them. For this Star. For anyone. The only one you are responsible for is yourself. Anything more... and you will burn out. Like a candle.
no subject
It did burn out, remember? Over and over until they deemed it to be enough and left what is before you.
[Telling him about Moebius and the many times that she did die, that her light was constantly snuffed again and again. That her time in Liminal Space where that flame almost died for good with how many times she was kicked into the dirt, left behind, or almost lost herself. Where only one person had the stones to say "Hey, don't go Empty on me." She's had the Scions tell her to rest but how often does she hear 'Are you feeling ok?' How can she explain a thing like Liminal to them? How can she explain the concept of Personas to them?]
So why does Hydaelyn deem it that it should only be one to seal the deal? Despite the matters of never doing this alone, it feels like the opposite. Not to mention that there's something I've kept quiet about for years...that they may wonder if it is possible for me to reach it again.
[And a secret to him too. But how many could she talk to about this power of her very soul?]
no subject
Ah, yes. What we had discussed the other night.
[ He would find out more about this being one way or another. Preference being that Yua would tell him, eventually, and hopefully sooner rather than later. But instead of acting upon this flare of an emotion, he only shook his head. ]
Because the Mother is cruel to her daughter. She is selfish and blind to your suffering, thinking it is most convenient for her to force all of this responsibility on your soul.
[ Tilting his head a fraction to the side, he searched her expression, her words a curious thing. Though he did not voice his curiosity, it was very plain on his face, expecting her to go on. ]
no subject
[She's starting to feel that despair again, her aether retreating into herself as she feels his fingers twitch. Whether it is from her or the memory of Moebius, she can't help but wonder if there's something she's said wrong. Or maybe...just maybe...Hades shakes because of concern. Of care. When was the last time she had someone hold her and tell her that everything will be okay? She can't help but cast her eyes downwards, almost in shame.]
If I tell them what I've been hiding...they'll see me as a weapon. Force me to find a way to call it out and use it and...I can't.
no subject
They cannot force you. Should they try, refuse them.
[ Nudging her nose with his now, his lips ghost over her own. ]
And if they persist-- you will tell me. And I will take care of everything.
no subject
But was learning about who she was running away from her issues?]
If they try that...I do not think Izanagi will be very pleased.
[Mainly because she will be pissed and as a part of her, so will her personas.]
And while I will tell you, I do not want you to harm them. I know what you mean by 'taking care' and no.
no subject
I was merely offering to make matters simpler for you, but very well. I shall refrain.
[ For now.
Shifting his attention, he brushed a loose tuft of hair from her cheek. His tone took on a note of genuine curiosity when he spoke up once more. ]
Tell me about this Izanagi.
no subject
Taking a breath, she sets a hand over her heart. Might as well.]
Have you...ever heard of those who can use their souls as means to fight? A mask to use against those who would want to cause harm? There's a name for it back on Earth...Persona.
[Mind and soul but man does anyone want to hear about Jung's theories?]
It's not very common among people but there are select few who are able to do this. Not born with it but awakened.
no subject
I cannot say this is something I have witnessed before.
[ His people. They're people were creators and thinkers. Not warriors or fighters. ]
So in this matter, this Izanagi... it is a manifestation of your soul?
[ With her soul already fractured as is, he could not fathom what this could mean for her incomplete one. ]
no subject
...one of them. While people can be awakened to this power, my case stands out. When they awaken, they only have one. I on the other hand...well, I can call a bit over twenty.
[Said as she bites her lower lip. She doubts her past self could ever do that but Yua can. Izanagi is only the first persona she awakened to and then learning more about the Velvet Room...hoo boy.]
I can't call them here because I think some kind of higher cosmic power thought it might be too much for this universe to handle. I can feel them but can't call them out if it makes sense?
no subject
Perhaps.
[ Her past self had certainly not mentioned being capable of any such thing. But she had been an extraordinary being in all her own ways still. Something that he saw in the flickering soul that was the woman before him. Lifting her hand he kept his gaze leveled with Yua's, his lips brushing over her knuckles. ]
Though you seem troubled by this, it may be in your favor. At least for the time being. Between the blessings of her- [ There is a sharp edge to his tone when he speaks of Hydaelyn without uttering her name. ] -and the light that surges through your body, it could very well be more than your soul can handle.
no subject
I just want to know what all this light is going to be used for. The Exarch refuses to tell me and it's getting harder to trust him.
[The little trust that she had for him anyway. An alliance of circumstance, no more than that. He may have pretty words and kind gestures and the respect of the Crystarium but to Yua, he reminds her of being back in Liminal Space. Why won't he tell her and just give the vague answer of all will be revealed in due time? Yua knows that it's a bullshit answer. Outside of the kids and Y'shtola...it feels like the one she can trust the most is the ascian holding her.]